i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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