hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
