well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
