I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want her autograph on my taint
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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