i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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