I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
