At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.