I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.