you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
