The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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