Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
