i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
this hospital has no fireball
Come share oat with me in your robe
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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