apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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