i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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