i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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