im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
