Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
