You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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