you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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