I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
