To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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