theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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