Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she told me i tasted like america
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
