I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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