I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
