Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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