So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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