I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
