Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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