Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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