I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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