you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
