I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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