This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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