Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize