Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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