why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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