there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
