the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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