I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
