Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
