I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
