My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
