who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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