Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
worst night to have a conscience
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
