Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
