I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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