Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm getting married
To pizza
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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