At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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