sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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