So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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