i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
