Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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