Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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