even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
