I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
