i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
