They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
