You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize