my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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