I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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