I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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