Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
