You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
