I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
