i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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