I swear she didn't look like that last week.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
