I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
