i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
