I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
