you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize