So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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