I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
