She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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